The onboard ramblings of a Battery Hen

Mandy: 7th / 8th October 2014

During our flight …..

Well as we all sat in small seats looking up patiently waiting to be fed as the trolley went by I did feel a bit like a caged animal of sorts, dependant on the generously and kindness of those in matching uniforms with access to the onboard microwave.

We ate our meal and everyone settled down for the night.

During the dark hours where everyone was supposed to be asleep, lights out and inflatable cushions adorned, I noticed that the Captain and crew on the flight deck were having a bit of fun. On the screen with all of the information about height, time and speed etc it shows a white ‘plane going along a green line pointing towards our final destination and the names of places we are passing at that point. Well in those dark hours when they thought no one would be awake and looking they made the screen show the ‘plane turn around and face the other way!! Honestly! Oh well at least they have a sense of humour, or maybe they are just bored or over tired,….hang on is that London Bridge I can see out of the window? Be careful what you wish for! This picture only shows the plane going in the correct direction (although that’s a matter of opinion)

In the morning the exquisite female Asian cabin crew member struggled when telling us of our breakfast options. “Omallaaat (omelette) or pok porrarge (pork porridge) Glen of course went for the Asian option while I thought I would just go for what could be the last bit of plain normal food for a while…….mmmm OK so NOT so normal as it turned out. Bless the dolls house/borrowers sized portions of what looked from the outside like an English breakfast…..half a crumpet (soggy) Scrambled egg! (NOT an omelette) which tasted like it was made from powdered egg…is that possible? ….a sausage (which I was hoping and praying was ‘pok’ and not dog!) which reminds me I read an article in the newspaper about the £1,100, gold leaf topped bun, squirrel burger!…

……..back to my breakfast 20,000 feet above the Andaman Sea….and some pond weed and half a mushy thing masquerading as spinach and half a tomato. No wonder these young girls keep their figures if they eat these small portions every work day. No sandwich and soup and a sneaky KFC on their shift!

During takeoff I distracted myself by flitting though the free newspaper we were given. There was an article on ‘A pain free professional solution to embarrassing facial hair’ and another ‘Why is my grandson’s beard so patchy?’ With an accompanying photo of a knitted Father Christmas! I kid you not! Then a full page dedicated to ASK THE DOCTOR “Every week Dr Martin Scurr, a top GP, answers your questions!” Maybe he is having to give advice on knitting patterns as well as medical issues! Well they do say that GPs are over worked…I read it in a paper somewhere!!!

What a coincidence, after saying about the powered egg scrambled egg there is an article about powered egg babies!!! God this paper is like a written version of that old Ester Ranson programme….what was it called?… That’s life!? (Chuckle)

With forty minutes until we land I watch as everyone goes to the loo. Man after single old man, With an excited glint in their eyes….. I guess they are looking forward to visiting the temples. (Wink)

Powered scrambled egg aside, I hope the pilots are having plenty of the good strong coffee to keep them awake for the home run!

I don’t know why people are so worried about flying, yes its true that a Malaysian flight disappeared from the radar recently and another was shot down…oh and Courtney’s flight to Barcelona was struck by lightening last month leaving a thumb sized hole in the engine!!! but hey here we are safe and sound after just ELEVEN hours!….. I’ve got to say it was not that bad, as always I am in awe …it’s a Miracle how the great heavy lump gets off the ground let alone stays up there for so long.

As we sat in Heathrow airport an hour before boarding I was secretly hoping that the flight would be cancelled or I would gain an injury of some sort that would mean that we could not fly off to Bangkok but instead have to get on the next coach back home. As my imagination took hold of the various reasons this might happen I was quite excited about the journey back to Bristol, and seeing everyone again (smile) but as we stepped on to Thailand ‘soil’ I thought….’we will stay here a while’ The flight was good, but not that good! I am not rushing on to another long haul any time soon. Bring on the rice, noodles and temples…. we have arrived in Bangkok baby!!…woo hoo!